Black

It was red when i saw it first, and warm. I slept and thought i would be safe in your arms. I was. I am. No one will harm me, i know, but you. It was the pretty smile that made me smile too. We laughed and life lingered on, as i clung to my hollow beliefs. Then there came that moment when i touched your hand and it was cold. I smiled at the cruel joke and smacked your head to make you stop. The bright colors didn’t seem so bright all at once. Deep inside i became frightened. God knows of what; being alone or being without you.

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Sharp sounds and lights frightened me, and the only person who knew this was her. Though i tried my best to keep it a secret. There was so much to do, so much to save and so much to think about. I didn’t have the heart to hide it all in myself, so i spilled my thoughts to her. After that i forgot she existed. And she forgot i existed.

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It was not so red, nor so warm any more. But i still felt safe drowned in it.

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Big words and big letters. Big people and my love for them. Lights were not so scary after all, but certain sounds still made me go wild. Noise didn’t bother me. In fact i loved the way it hid the little disturbing echoes, so familiar but still so harsh. The red-ness had faded altogether, and all that remained was a hard mass of cells. It wasn’t warm. It was hot. So hot it made me cold. I had read about it, talked about it, bragged about understanding how it felt. But for the first time i knew how it felt like, to see oneself. The stones placed right on spot, and so charming. Yes! They had charmed the charming. Every curve was so subtle and i knew it before, when i hadn’t even seen it in the fairytale mirror.

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Everything was perfect. Everything is perfect. Whatever Red-ness flowed inside me once made me feel things i couldn’t understand. I never wanted to know what the shadows said. But now i analyze the statistics. Black-ness has been a good teacher, and i am a thankful student.

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