Monstrous Act Three – The library period continues – Pornography begins with a Finger

29^th March, 2012 (Most pathetic memory ever!)

Grade five, Green- B*****h**** School System, Walton Campus

{Substitution in grade five, section green}

Continued...

A had been gone from the class pretty long now. I was sure he had gone to his mother but he came back with a smug look on his face and a book in his hand.

A: Look miss, I got The Ghost of Canterville to read.

Me: {Although I wanted to punch him in the face, I tapped his cheek} You’re such a good boy. {Surprisingly enough he started reading it at once and remained fully absorbed in the book no matter what H and his minions did around him.}

Since I was busy with A, H availed the opportunity and created a mayhem in the class. There were rubber bands flying all across the classroom but the rules of the prodigious school dictated that I tolerate and try to calm them down “verbally.” I applied the verbal method and being a blessed loud-mouth I managed to calm some of them down until something stung me on the back of my hand. Now I lost it and went straight to H and grabbed him by his shoulders. I brought him to his chair and started shuffling in all his pockets to find four to five rubber bands. There was not a single voice in the class; I knew I was not supposed to touch any of them. They did not know that of course but all of them knew something –out-of-the-place had happened. In a minute I had collected all rubber bands from H and his minions and had them comfortably wrapped around my wrist. Whenever one of them spoke I broke one rubber band. This was another good method of quieting them down.

YET ANOTHER PROUD MOMENT OF BEING A BITCHY TEACHER!

The class was finally quiet. H had his finger on his lips. A was reading his ghost book. Some children were quietly playing games. Others were drawing or writing. A called me towards him to ask something. He had difficult word “stealthily” and wanted to know the meaning and pronunciation. It took me hardly a minute to have a tiny conversation with him about the word when a girl from H’s cluster cried, “Teacher H is showing me the finger.”

Me: THE finger? {I was shocked out of my wits to know they knew about THE finger in grade five.}

Me: Which finger?!? {I didn’t want them to have the impression that I knew what showing THE finger meant and that it was a bad lewd thing.}

Girl: The middle finger, miss. You know it is bad miss.

Me: It doesn’t matter baita, It’s just a finger. {I cajoled her, although I knew how lame it sounded and glared at H to stop doing what he was doing. H gave me a malicious look knowing I wasn’t in the position of stopping him from showing fingers}

H: Miss what? I was just keeping a finger on my mouth like you told. {He actually puckered. H now put his middle finger on his lips and grinned out of the corner of his mouth. He turned towards the girl in front of him while he kept looking me in the eye. I was shocked at how that fifth grader was daring me to stop him. I had had enough so I went to him and pulled his hand off his mouth.

Me: Stop it H, STOP DOING WHAT YOU’RE DOING!!

H: Ma’am I was just saying, God is one. Allah aik hai. I can say that with any finger. Is that wrong?

What could I say to that?

To be continued...

Monstrous Act Two– The library period continues – Pre-pornography dilemma

29^th March, 2012 (Most pathetic memory ever!)

Grade five, Green- B*****h**** School System, Walton Campus

{Substitution in grade five, section green}

Continued from previous post:

{I turned towards rest of the class now}

Enter – H (A brawny boy who had his pockets filled with elastic rubber bands and was determined to hit every girl at every single spot which his sorry self was not supposed to be concerned with}.

Me: Baita! Please hand over the rubber bands to me. What’s your name?

H: H miss. Sorry miss. Please don’t call my parents miss. Sorry. Miss sorry. 

Me: Okay.

H: Bands miss?

Me: Here you go. Don’t use them again. Okay?

H: Sure miss. Sorry again. Thank you.

H didn’t use the bands again. He distributed them to his friends sitting in all four corners of the classroom. I still have no idea how he did that because he never left his seat once. Now there were elastic rubber bands flying across the whole class and little angry screams followed by muffled laughter arose every second.

In the class students benches were arranged in clusters of five or six. H’s cluster had only him and two girls so I took the fourth empty seat. He was the root of all disturbances in the class and if I engaged him others would find something else to do. This trick actually worked. He talked with me; his minions waited for him to resume the rubber-band war but on getting no response they busied themselves in tick-tack-toe and page-cricket.

Finally a moment to be proud of! Yay! <3 p="">

To be continued...

Monstrous Act One – Now starts the library period

29^th March, 2012 (Most pathetic memory ever!)

Grade five, Green- B*****h**** School System, Walton Campus

Substitution in grade five, section green

Background story

F: One of the bitchy co-coordinator’s (S) daughter and the headmistress’ (M) son study in that section so you have to keep yourself “a bit lenient.” Let them have their way. {She pointed out a fat pushtoon who was pushing girls in the corridor as the latter one. I had no idea who S’s daughter was.}

I was there to monitor them only as per instructions for four consecutive periods including the lunch break in which I graciously allowed them to talk, play or do whatever they felt like doing without leaving their seats or raising their voices.

At first, everything went well until…

Monstrous ACT ONE – The library period

{Majority of the students did not want to go to the library because they had “pending work to do.” Since, those little minions were the bosses so it happened their way and we stayed in the classroom}.

A (M’s son): I want to go to the library.  Don’t care if the others don’t want to go.

Me: Please go to your seat baita and read a book from the class library.

{A glared at me with a fiery look that was too fiery for his stupidly funny face as if he never expected what he heard and…left the classroom…anyway. So much for a teeny-weeny bitch of a teacher ordering HIM around? Sarcasm, folks!}  

A: {After a while, he peeked in}: I’m going to the library anyway.

Me: {Breathe-out = Yep. Foock you-self!} {Real time: Meekly} “Okay baita”

To be continued..

Definition of a Moron

There are idiots like me who nag Allah to give them a job and when finally someone calls them they don't take their call because they are too lazy to get up and pick their phone. The word for such people is 'Morons.'

Wedding deprivation

Missing one of your best friend's wedding is something I recently discovered to be an event which could make a dheet i.e., obstinate person like me regret her idiocy; and not for the sake of missing the tasty chicken curry and rice so conventional in Lahori shadis. When F called me a few days prior to her wedding I was fully excited until the faces of my nemesis, who'd be attending the wedding too, came floating by. I did my best to push them away behind my pretty brown lehnga that I was supposed to wear, but the obstinacy!! Not attending F's shadi had been my own decision but at the appointed time while I played Rayman at my home, I imagined her on that stage smiling in a dress whose color was supposed to be surprise. Although, I think she did tell me the color. But I had forgotten it altogether. All I could think of was if she missed me or not. Did she once try to find me in the crowd. Such questions are supposed to be rhetorical but in the desperation of that lonesome time I answered them myself. I was dead sure she was least bothered about anyone at the occasion. While washing the dishes I cursed my nemesis and then my idiocy, and then my obstinacy and again my idiocy. I had been such an idiot.

She's going to get married only once, and I have graciously deprived myself of the prestige of seeing her pictures. May Allah bless F with the happiest life possible [Ameen], but whattay moron i've been.

Lesson learnt: Never miss a friend's wedding, no matter whattttt. It's painful to know everyone's there and enjoying. They're going to talk about it whenever everyone gathers and you will be the idiot who doesn't know anything because they were too dumb-ass when they shouldn't have been so.