[ACT ONE]
Me: hey B!
B: Mje acha ni laga app ne text pe mj se kal rudely baat ki
Me: you guys annoy me!
B: App ko pata hai mai yahan ka (University ka) employer b hon ku k...
Me: APP ko pata hai mai app ki editor hoon?
B: THE smile. App ko pata hai mje yahan kamra b mila hai?
Me: App ko b pata ho ga library k sath wala kamra mje b mila howa hai.
B: app ko....
Me: aur app ko ye b pata ho ga k I can fire you from the magazine?
[ACT TWO]
Biotech class room for B.Sc Hons Final year; Government College University Lahore. K, F, Z, R and I sit in the first row. A comes to present his ass-ignment.
A walks up to the dais all pretty and shiny in his orange sweater. tilts his head very slightly, gapes a little while he takes hints from the piece of paper he has brought along. looks at the class for a second, turns around and takes a long unnecessary stride to write on the white board almost abruptly. The taapic of my presentation is...
Z says something to K. A turns around
Kia masla kia hai app ka? Chup kero werna class se baher chalay jao.
Z: Murmers. Kia? hum ne..kia? howa..? what?
R: Pehlay appnay doston ko chup kerwao!
A: mazaq banaya wa hai app ne. Shakes his hands to make his point clear. takes a step towards us. I am pretty sure from behind his thick rimmed glasses he isn't even looking at us, but seeing how the class reacts. gapes again after saying a sentence and makes a please-appreciate-me slash annoyed face. presentation de raha hon mai. bolay ja rehay hain app log. He shouts.
The 'teacher' finally intervenes.
S: Oye bas kero. itnay baray ho gaye ho phir b aisay lartay ho. khwateen se aisay...bla bla bla.
A ends his presentation and now makes for his seat. but the story doesn't end for him..(if only he could take off his shirt, pull one of us out of her chair, pin her to the ground and dance on her for the rest of his Godforsaken life..THAT could have given him the glory!!) He stops when he is going back and says to R (or may be the whole woman community) who keeps writing in her register (GO GIRL!) without looking at him while he does his 'bhonki'
A: Ainda meray doston ko kuch kaha na tau mj se bura koi ni ho ga. i'll slap you!
[ACT TWO B]
Z is talking on text with M, our class fellow and A ka dost.
Z: ?
M: han ye aisa hi hai.
[ACT THREE]
It is about 6:30PM. Z, Y and I are going to the bus stop. a man is coming from the opposite direction. he crosses us.
THUMP!
Me: kia hai Y (who is walking behind me)..I laugh. ku maara hai itnay zor ka mujhay.
Y: mai ne kab mara hai. She makes a sad face
Me: very funny. itnay zor ka maara hai.
Y and I both laugh.
Y: seriously i didn't.
Me: tum ne hi maara hai..pata hai mu..u..j...!! Uff!..did that man...? Haww... dude!! ITNAY ZOR KA MAARA HAI! and on my BUTT!?
we walk for some time silently. disgruntled.
Me: tum ne WAQIYAY mai ni maara Y?
Y: Laughs. oH bhai mai ni maarya tenoo
"My butt is aching," I whisper.
GO MEN! LOVE Y'ALL!
