Black

It was red when i saw it first, and warm. I slept and thought i would be safe in your arms. I was. I am. No one will harm me, i know, but you. It was the pretty smile that made me smile too. We laughed and life lingered on, as i clung to my hollow beliefs. Then there came that moment when i touched your hand and it was cold. I smiled at the cruel joke and smacked your head to make you stop. The bright colors didn’t seem so bright all at once. Deep inside i became frightened. God knows of what; being alone or being without you.

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Sharp sounds and lights frightened me, and the only person who knew this was her. Though i tried my best to keep it a secret. There was so much to do, so much to save and so much to think about. I didn’t have the heart to hide it all in myself, so i spilled my thoughts to her. After that i forgot she existed. And she forgot i existed.

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It was not so red, nor so warm any more. But i still felt safe drowned in it.

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Big words and big letters. Big people and my love for them. Lights were not so scary after all, but certain sounds still made me go wild. Noise didn’t bother me. In fact i loved the way it hid the little disturbing echoes, so familiar but still so harsh. The red-ness had faded altogether, and all that remained was a hard mass of cells. It wasn’t warm. It was hot. So hot it made me cold. I had read about it, talked about it, bragged about understanding how it felt. But for the first time i knew how it felt like, to see oneself. The stones placed right on spot, and so charming. Yes! They had charmed the charming. Every curve was so subtle and i knew it before, when i hadn’t even seen it in the fairytale mirror.

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Everything was perfect. Everything is perfect. Whatever Red-ness flowed inside me once made me feel things i couldn’t understand. I never wanted to know what the shadows said. But now i analyze the statistics. Black-ness has been a good teacher, and i am a thankful student.

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The Empty Pipe Of Filth

Flesh grew under a thin sheet of skin, bubbling with the passion to be, and to conquer. I failed. I Got up.

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Mock me. Despise me.

Today is your good day. One day it will be mine. I am a beast of mockery now; you treat me like a mule. I'll use my nails to carve your face, and my blood to paint it. My breath will dry every wet part of it to make you feel human. I may be too vulnerable to say all that I said and you may smirk as much you like, but when I spend my nights all blue, and you with your flashy tart, I learn how to endure and smile, while you learn to learn. Though I may be an uncivilized animal but I know what I can become. I stand under the sun and feel the scars that it traces on my back. I see the burns on my beloved's face. I see his pretty face. You want me to come join your league, so I can be a star. But all I know is the sapling in me, which was caressed by some weary hands. They nurtured me and taught me well. If I become a wolf; too wild, they'll kiss me and be mine. You'll fear me and pull a spear through my heart.

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What I have been is lovingly made, what you've been is a hollow mass, wound on itself. You're an empty pipe of filth. You rush water through yourself to remove the dirt, but what you do not know is that, it isn't under the skin you see but under the skin you hide, and can’t even see yourself.

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