The mop is coming..mop mop mop.

My "current" favorite song says

I should have left my phone at home
cause this is a disaster
calling like a collector
sorry i cannot answer

It's not only the telephone. Life is a big fat telephone and the people around you are the ringing tantrums. rr-rr-ing...rr-rr-in-g. They wont stop no matter how hard you try to shut them up. Switch off your phone, and they'll leave a message.

My life has always been like this. All thanks goes to my parents who have been staunch members of the genre of people that prefer to shed their own blood instead of sucking on somebody-they-should-not-be-concerned-with's blood. Fortunately i have the guts to talk my guts out against this life style but i am absolutely gut-less when it comes to following my own cynical advice. All i know is that they've been destroyed because of the people around them leaving us to suffer the consequences.

In the one and twenty completely hopeless years of my life i have been the weirdest person i have ever met because i have never been able to understand myself. There have been times when i was so sick of my own self that i would cover up all the mirrors in my room and bathroom just to avoid looking at my own face. But i would very composedly get out of bed, wash my flat face, go to the college and put up a perfect straight face, not meeting anyone all day and say, "oh yeah I've had a rough day..chemistry you know."
or the alternative;
"had to leave early dad was calling."

They always work.

But till now i have not been able to devise a way to completely pull myself out of the pudding of people around me. Alone I'd be sticky mass, and sooner or later someone will clean me up with a mop off the kitchen table.
So what happens?

I keep making future plans and i know some of them are in my hands and i can steer them the way i want to but what about the one's that make God laugh?! I can hear him laugh right now too, because he knows what I'm thinking.

The point is

Not that i don't like you, I'm just at a party
And I am sick and tired of my phone rr-ringing

It's my party and i want to be the sole dancer in it, the sole DJ, the sole waiter, the sole guard, the sole host and the sole guest.